Wednesday, May 13, 2009


My papa passed away November of 2004. He had a stroke and was in coma for 3 days before he finally gave up. He did not say anything before he went to coma. There was no sign at all that he is leaving us, although he kept asking for my sisters who were not present on that morning in the hospital. He was complaining that severe pain in his head and his stomach. He always wanted food because he was hungry. He was vomiting. He told me that he wanted to sleep and he closed his eyes. He was still puking. I was relived when he was asleep and so were my brothers. But then he never woke up after that. We tried waking him up and so the doctors but he remained sleeping. He looked so pale on that first day. On the second day we’re hoping for his recovery since he looked better. He was not as pale as the first day but still he was sleeping. We kept waking him up but no response. There were several times that we saw tears running down on his cheeks. I don’t know or we don’t know if he wanted to say something but he can’t say it. He had a fever in that afternoon, a high fever. We managed to move him to an air-conditioned room hoping it will calm down his fever. He was better for a while. But very early on that third day, he started flinching. We tried to calm him down by talking to him until he stopped. But he did it again and again. The doctor was telling us that a respirator will help. So we agreed. When everything was ready, they put the tube into my father’s mouth down to his throat. Papa was in so much pain. I was not in the room but I saw his feet twisting everytime they tried to push the tube down to his throat. My brother was screaming to stop them. “Stop! Are you trying to kill my father?” this is what my brother said. We were glad that his regular doctor came. He did the procedure smooth and easy. He was yelling at the other doctors for not using the right tube. The one they tried was too big and it probably sliced his throat. When I went to the room it was so messy and wet. They had to clean the blood that came out from my father’s mouth. I don’t know how much blood was there. After that everything seemed fine. Papa looked calm and in peace. But it only took about 3 or 4 hours and then he was flinching again. Doctors and nurses came and did everything but I guess he was already tired. We asked them to stop doing the CPR after doing it several times and there was no response. We were waiting until our father gave up his last breath. It was so painful. All of us were not ready. I miss him all the time. And may be he missed us too. All I know he visits me in my dreams often.


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